Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
