remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
