Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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