You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
