he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
