I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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