i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
