I wanna bring you to show and tell
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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