A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
where are my eyebrows?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
