I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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