Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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