and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
