She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
