she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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