I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize