I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
