pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
