I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
