i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
