I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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