YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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