he wants to bone in the snuggie
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize