Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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