he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
