there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
