wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
