Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
