The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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