he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
