I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
