Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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