As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
