You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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