it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
