dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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