Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize