I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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