That's when you crack a 10am beer
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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