Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
