I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
