Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
