At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A bitchslap is in order.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
