and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize