she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
