Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
