Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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