Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
