I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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