who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
