Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love having hate sex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
