I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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