my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
