I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize