You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
