For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am available for nakedness
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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