i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
