I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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