and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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