he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
