I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
