Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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