she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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