just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
