where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
