A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
