But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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