Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize