At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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