Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
