thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
True college students do jello shots in the library
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