after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
