he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
