Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
