Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
