I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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