this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
