It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize