i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
