Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
