Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
