everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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