HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just high enough for therapy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
