HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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