What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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