My hair reeks of homosexuality.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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