saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
