I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
