we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
