i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
