Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
