Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
