Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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