what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
