he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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