I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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