I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
