you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
